Young Lust

I mentioned a couple of my early television crushes in an earlier post (Mindy of Mork and Mindy and Mrs. Kotter of Welcome Back Kotter) and it got me reminiscing about some of my other first loves. These were the ones that made my adolescence catch fire. Here is a tribute to the sexiest T.V. women of my youth.

Donna Douglas a.k.a. Elly May Clampett on The Beverly Hillbillies

I happened upon an episode of TBH the other day. It was one in which Elly May was taking a dip in the cement pond. Seeing her in a discreet one-piece bathing suit did more for me than most of the far more racy stuff found on television today. Even her excessive love of critters did nothing to discourage my desire for her.

Barbara Eden a.k.a. Jeannie on I Dream of Jeannie

I did not have to wait for a swimming episode to see Jeannie’s midriff. Thanks to that brilliant costume, I could see it every weekday at 4:00 PM. To this day, I still have a fantasy about being allowed to lounge around in her bottle. Imagine a woman in your home dressed like that, calling you “Master” and able to conjure any wish with one bounce of her ponytail.

Dawn Wells a.k.a. Mary Ann Summers on Gilligan’s Island

Forget the movie star Ginger, I was a straight up Mary Ann guy. She could make me a coconut pie every day and I would be content to stay marooned.

Jan Smithers as Bailey Quarters from WKRP in Cincinnati

Conventional wisdom dictated that I was supposed to drool over the blond bombshell Loni Anderson on this show. My eyes kept drifting to nebbish Bailey, though. I guess I am a “girl next door” kind of guy. At least in the sense of what that phrase used to mean before Kendra and the gang moved in.

Honorable mentions:

Would you believe Barbara Feldon as Agent 99 on Get Smart?

Marlo Thomas as Ann Marie, otherwise known as That Girl.

Kristy McNichol as “Buddy” Lawrence on Family.

So Holly...who used to get your motor running? Please do not say the Hoff in Knight Rider.

Happy Valentine's Day

Thinking of some of the TV couples I remember watching, for better or worse:

Alice the Maid and Sam the Butcher, The Brady Bunch
I'm foregoing the obvious choice of groovy parents Carol and Mike Brady in favor of the real heat (and meat) of this show.  These two wild things were the real deal.  How could you wear matching bowling shirts and not be in love?

Lovey and Thurston Howell, III, Gilligan's Island

Who didn't love this rich, daft couple?  Their affection for each other was genuine through thick and thin.  Two heads (and hearts) are better than one.  Which is a good thing, because their collective IQ may have been in the high double digits.

Maddie and David, Moonlighting
So wrong for each other, but it felt so right.  Best small-screen chemistry of the 80s.  Remember the soft focus that was for Cybil Sheperd only?  Divatabulous!

Edith and Archie Bunker, All in the Family

This was true love.  Who else could live with either of these two?  So sad when Edith died.  Those were the days.

Weezy and George Jefferson, The Jeffersons

George probably could have wooed some young floozy from the dry cleaning counter with promises of a "deeee-luxe apartment in the sky," but he only had eyes for his Weezy.  Kudos to him.

Laura and Luke, General Hospital

The American royal wedding.  Who can forget the puffy shoulders on that awful dress?  Worth skipping school to see.

Carrie Bradshaw and "Big"/John, Sex and the City

Sometimes, love gets in the way of what's best for you.  And when heartbreak happens, your girlfriends will take you shopping.

Susan and George, Seinfeld

The most bizarre, twisted relationship in the history of prime time.  Till death do us part, or not.

Rachel and Ross, Friends

As annoying apart as they were together.  And yes, Rachel, you WERE on a break.