Oh My Gawd, Magnum!

After Chip told me I was dismissing network TV prematurely, I decided to check tonight's listings. "Super Bowl's Greatest Commercials" - seriously? People really give an hour of their lives for this? CBS, you're not even a worthy opponent.

Network: Not Going to Take it Anymore?

Well, Holly, I find it interesting that you DVR a couple of shows that would actually support my own tendency to network hating. Not a single show on network or cable that describes itself as “Reality” programming is worth a damn in my book (Yes…that includes you critical darling and formulaic Amazing Race). It has lowered (or perhaps revealed) the national IQ over the last 10 years and panders to that lowest common denominator I was talking about before. I thought Kardashians were an evil alien race on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

I actually agree with you to an extent about network television. With the glut of reality programming, uninspired sit-coms and Jay Leno, there is not much to like. Yet, you cannot throw out the baby with the bathwater, Holly. Let me tell you about a couple of shows you are missing out on.

Much ink has been spilt on Lost and I am not about to delve into theories about its many mysteries. Let it suffice to say that Lost is beyond a doubt the most complex show I have ever followed. I cannot recommend it to you, Holly unless you start at the beginning and not miss a single episode. It does not merely build chronologically, but cross-references itself numerous times across time and space. It is not for the person that thinks a strategy on Survivor is brilliant. If that were all there was to it, however, I would not care for it. Like the best Sci-Fi, the premise serves as the backdrop to some of the most compelling human drama on television. If there is an overall theme, it is one of Redemption. I am a sucker for Redemption stories.

Lost creator J.J. Abrams is also the creative force behind Fringe. It balances a mysterious ongoing mythology with fun, creepy, week-to-week weirdness. However, it is the three main characters of Special Agent Olivia Dunham, Peter Bishop and his father, Walter that brings me back and keeps me hooked.

Before you think all I watch is the kind of show that lends itself to wearing Vulcan ears, there is also a sit-com I want to recommend. Better Off Ted is a damn hoot. This workplace comedy is off the wall and fast-paced. So far, it has not jumped the shark and started using worn out premises for shows or a very special episode. It is snappy, and original. Thank goodness for the DVR because the throwaway jokes and sight gags come so fast, I sometimes have to go back and laugh all over again. It is so quirky, it might not survive on network television. If it gets cancelled, maybe Comedy Central will pick it up and it can go on living on cable where it probably belongs.

Dear Network TV, I'm Just Not That Into You

Okay Chip, now that you called me out on it, I’ll admit it. My name is Holly Tara and I’m a network hater. I know what people think about me - that I’m some kind of high concept cable snob. Let me assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. I DVR “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” for crying out loud. I can tell the three original “Girls Next Door” apart. With their clothes on.

TV is entertainment. Which is my point with network TV – it’s not that entertaining. It has been a long time since the big networks turned my head. Reality shows and sitcoms, right? Cable does the former better. I mean, why would anyone watch another anemic season of “The Bachelor” when there’s “For the Love of Ray-J”? And the whole sitcom genre is, well, tired. Meh.

Okay, so I did watch the o.g. version of “Law and Order” (but none of its spin-offs) for a fair number of years. But after Jerry Orbach died and Fred Thompson decided to run for president, what was the point really?

I’m so disconnected from network that I don’t even know what your “Fringe” show is about. (Hairdressers? Go go dancers? Interior designers?) I only have a vague notion that “Lost” is about some people who are so lost they don’t even know where they are or who they are, and haven’t been able to figure it out for several years. How does that stay interesting?

So enlighten me, Chip, what network shows do I need to be watching? Make your case.

Peace,
Holly