The Kingpin Next Door

Sitting around in a Mad Men end-of-season funk last fall, I wondered what I was going to do with myself for the approximate nine months till Don and the boys were back.  My first instinct was to turn to another AMC series, Breaking Bad.  Okay, technically my first instinct was to pour myself a strong drink.  But after that, I eventually thought of Breaking Bad.

The basic premise of Breaking Bad is that Walter White, an intelligent chemist who could have done great things but settled for being a high school science teacher and part time car wash attendant, finds out he has Stage 3 lung cancer. He’s married to Skyler, and they have a disabled teenage son, Walt Jr., and a baby on the way.  Walt wants to make some coin so the family will be secure after he checks out, and he uses his chemistry teacher expertise to cook high-grade methamphetamine with junkie/dealer Jesse Pinkman, one of his former students.

At first, this show doesn’t have much curb appeal.  No one in this show is pretty (or maybe they are and have spent a long time in the makeup chair hiding it).  The sets are grim.  The Whites’ home is straight out of the 70s.  A fair amount of the action takes place inside a dilapidated recreational vehicle, sometimes out in the desert badlands with dead bodies - sometimes human - littering the landscape.  Let’s not forget the hostage scenario that goes down in a drug dealer’s grimy unfinished basement. Heck, Chip’s burned spy buddy Michael from Burn Notice has a more swish life than Walter White.

However, the gritty backdrops and the ordinary people who inhabit this show are what make it so compelling.  This is some of the best drama around, and it had me cheering for the "good" bad guys in no time.

I’ve only seen Season One of Breaking Bad, and I’m enjoying Walter’s progression from nerdy science teacher/car wash attendant who has let life pass him by into badass kingpin.   Once Walter gets his death notice, he develops the courage to make the ballsy decision every time.  And what decisions they are – beating the crap out of kids who are making fun of your son, strangling with a bike lock the drug dealer you kidnapped, blowing up a rich asshole’s car just because he stole your parking space, stealing a drum of chemicals you need to cook meth from a secure, guarded storage facility.

Here are some of my favorite highs and lows from Season One:

1. Walt Jr. being subjected to Hank’s efforts to scare him straight after the comical marijuana misunderstanding.  That Hank is such a gentleman to the crackhead hookers.

2. Walt sitting by the pool throwing matches in after finding out he’s a dead man walking.  Who can’t relate on some level (we hope non-fatal!) to the desolation he’s feeling.  A sad and haunting depiction of the feeling of futility.

3. The Whites’ realization they’ve committed a grievous crime of fashion by not wearing beige to Elliott’s birthday party.  The rich are different.

4. Speaking of wardrobe malfunctions, how hilarious is that early scene in the desert when Walt is standing outside the RV in his tighty whities? I hope he’s in silk boxers by Season 2.

5. Jessie’s ceiling crashing with the liquefied remains of dead drug dealer splattering everywhere.  A moment of ewww.

6. Walt’s confrontation with Tuco after Tuco puts Jessie in the hospital.  Walt definitely leveled up with that one.

7. Marie shoplifted a “white gold tiara with SEVERAL carats of zircons” for Skyler’s baby shower gift?!  Hilarious.  Didn’t see that one coming.

What do you love/hate about Breaking Bad, Chip?  I know you’ve watched only the second season.  I found this video short that will catch both of us up on the respective season we missed:

I'm counting the days till the Season 3 premiere on March 21!

Peace, Holly

The British Are Coming! And They’re Not Wearing Any Knickers!

Chip, I think I may have found a keeper!  Footballers’ Wives is the funniest, trashiest, most over the top program I’ve come across in a while.  And yes, I’m including my other guilty pleasure, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, in that lot.  A bold statement, I know.

Footballers’ Wives follows the hilariously shallow and self-centered lives of the stars of fictional Earls Park FC “Sparks” and their WAGs. (WAGs is Brit-speak for “wives and girlfriends.”) The boys are all talented professional athletes, some intelligent and some, well, let’s just say at least they’re all pretty and have good teeth for a bunch of Brits.  Speaking of pretty, there’s a lot of footballer arse in this show. I realize it’s British TV and all, but the amount of bare male butt is just astonishing.  Not that I’m complaining....merely an observation.

In one of the first season’s episodes, Earls Park star Kyle and his fiancee Chardonnay Lane prepare for their wedding.  Yes, I said Chardonnay Lane.  What a name!  Chardonnay is what the Brits call a “glamour model.”  A glamour model is what Jordan/Katie Price is, or was, before her greater claim to fame became putting her toddler daughter in makeup and tweeting pictures to the world to annoy her ex-husband.  Did I lose you?  Chardonnay poses in her skivvies, or sometimes sans skivvies, for a living.  Sort of an across-the-pond Heidi Montag. Got it now?  The Chardonnay/Kyle wedding is a grand tabloid affair in which prince Kyle rides in on a horse while Chardonnay is lying “asleep” on a bed surrounded by seven children dressed as dwarves.  Yes, really.  Chardonnay awakens at her prince’s kiss, and the wedding takes place. Chardonnay’s dress is a giant pink cotton candy confection.  Of course.  What did you think she would be wearing?  The happy couple gives an “exclusive” on-camera interview to a tabloid reporter mid-reception as the guests wait for dinner.  Here’s a wedding pic of the happy couple, just in case you think I could make this kind of stuff up.

Team captain Jason and his hell-on-wheels wife Tanya are another great Footballers’ Wives couple. Tanya is the Head Mean Girl of the Earls Park WAGs and a watercloset cokehead.  She’s snorted up in the most posh loos in England. Jason is a serial womanizer, with a penchant for bathtubs and jacuzzis.  Must be all the rain over there.  Although Tanya and Jason seem to love to hate each other, the do their best work as a team, in classic soap opera style.  When Jason is worried the team management is bringing in Italian soccer stud Sal Biagi, both Jason and Tanya realize the threat this is to their rulers of the roost status and swing into action. Tanya puts on a shameless display of her feminine wiles for team chairman Frank.  Despite Frank’s assurances that the Biagi thing is all rumor and no truth, Biagi shows up on the club’s roster soon enough.  In the wake of the announcement, Tanya attacks Frank, bashing his forehead on the fender of his car without so much as breaking one of her ridiculously long fake nails or spilling any blood on her golf ball sized diamonds.  Jason and Tanya leave Frank on the roadside to die, only he doesn’t.  Turns out it’s a fate worse than death for poor Frank, who ends up with a creepy nurse who feels herself up with his comatose hand.  Ewww.  Jason goes on womanizing, and Tanya drinks, smokes, snorts, and hallucinates herself into a tizzy.

There are so many other wicked, riotously funny things going on in the series, and each character is more outrageous than the last.  I’m just sad I’m arriving late to the Footballers’ Wives party. This show has completed it run of five seasons and is now relegated to the province of the Internet and DVD. But, as they say, better late than never.  And bottoms up!

You Are Getting Very Sleepy

I have to hand it to you, Holly. Your post about Caprica was more entertaining than the show itself. If Battlestar Galatica was this boring, I am glad I missed it after all. I kept dozing off, so I had to change the channel over to NBC every so often to watch a little ice dancing for excitement.

The bedroom scene in the beginning of the episode turned me off. The idea of four people in bed was supposed to be titillating, but it came across as just icky to me. Perhaps it is because one of the guys appears to be young enough to be Mrs. Willow’s son. Polly Walker was so good in Rome it pains me to see her stifled in this role.

Grandma Adama did suddenly become a very interesting character in this episode. I could see her offing Mrs. Graystone and then serving her up to Daniel in some kind of Tauron Casserole. We need to give her and Sam their own HBO show called The Taurono’s and turn them loose.

The dancing robot scene was seriously goofy. All the scenes with the Cylon/Zoe/Avatar and the nerdy tech guy are about as disturbing as Demi Moore kissing Whoopi Goldberg near the end of Ghost. Sure…it is supposed to be Patrick Swayze on the inside, but you are still swapping slobber with the exterior. The way the show is going, I am surprised they did not have Zoe simulate an orgasm as the nerd tinkered around her metal loins.

I thought the same thing about Agent Duram’s boss, Holly. I even went to IMdB to find out if it was the same actor. Apparently not, but I did find an interesting Mad Men connection. There is an actor on Caprica named…get this…Sterling Cooper. I shit you not.

As far as Daniel claiming to create Zoe's avatar goes, I think...yawn...oh just wake me up when the robots start shooting, okay?

Caprica - The Cylons Were Right About These People

Well Chip, I managed to make it through another episode of Caprica.  Let’s see, where to start?

Computer geek and Cylon Zoe dancing - why?

Gratuitous menage a quatre at Sister Clarice’s house  - pourquoi?

Grandma who doesn’t care that her grandson skipped school to hang out with his gangster uncle - whaaaaaaaa?

I don’t know who is writing this stuff, but I’m getting more than a little suspicious this show is what happens when the chess club huffs paint.

But on to the plot....with Graystone Industries in a free fall, Daniel Graystone decides to go on the Caprican version of Letterman to talk about Zoe’s death and her apparent involvement with Soldiers of the One.  Amanda Graystone unexpectedly walks onto the set.  Unlike her last PR debacle, in which she announced on TV that Zoe was a terrorist, her presence seemed to save the situation, which Daniel was not handling well.

Sam Adamo, Joseph’s less-conflicted-about-his-evil-side brother, impersonates a driver after gaining backstage access by flashing his Tauron tattoos to a similarly inked stagehand.  He gives Amanda a ride, ostensibly part of a plan to kill her at Joseph’s request, but doesn’t go through with it after Joseph calls off the hit by texting him with a rather antiquated looking cell phone.  (BTW Chip, did you catch the old school cameras the press had during the GDD’s high school locker raid?  I suppose they’re trying to do something purposeful with all this retro tech and wardrobe juxtaposed with the futuristic elements of this show, but at times I’m left wondering if they’re going to get to the point, or if there is no point and it’s just something they’ve picked up from Big Love?)  Initially, I was disappointed that Sam didn’t kill Amanda, but then I realized how much Daniel-brooding we’re being spared as long as she’s alive. Go Amanda!

We also learn in this episode that Ruth, Joseph’s mother-in-law (I incorrectly identified her as his mother previously), is one badass Tauron.  I was shocked, shocked I tell you when she told Joseph that the dead aren’t dead till their deaths were avenged.  Nice parallel between her statement that the dead are in limbo and the holiband’s V World. Up until now, I thought Ruth was just grouchy because she had to pick up around the house.  But clearly she’s got a bigger ax to grind with the Adamo boys. She’s not going to stand for much of Joseph’s conflicted conscience about having Sam off Amanda as retribution for the bombing. Grandma Ruth also wowed me with her advice to young Will, who wants to be a locker room attendant for the Pyramid team but thought he didn’t have a chance at the gig because Joseph and Daniel aren’t friends these days.  Ruth told him sometimes you get the best things from your enemies.  And Ruth was scaring me a little (okay a lot) in that meat cleaver kitchen scene.  Joseph, my man, you’d better sleep with one eye open with this mother-in-law in the house.

I’m struggling to stay interested in the intrigue, if it can be called that, going on with Sister Clarice, Lacy, the bike shop guy, and anyone else in Soldiers of the One.  That story line needs to get moving, STAT. And no more slumber parties, you perverts! The most interesting thing I’ve noticed in the STO storyline lately is how much Agent Duram’s boss (the guy in the suit with the big nose) looks like Henry Francis from Mad Men.  And I think we all know how I feel about Henry Francis.

Zoe 2.0 in V World, good fashion decision.  I was getting tired of your other club dress.

One final point.  Chip, did you notice that Daniel said he created Zoe’s avatar?  Not true - Zoe created her own avatar, which Daniel didn’t know until after her death.  What’s that all about?

Peace, Holly

A Tiger and His Tale

Chip! A snuggie? A snuggie? Are you kidding me? I think I'd set myself on fire first.

My greatest disappointment in the Tiger presser was his denial that Elin was beating the sh!t out of him when this whole thing started. I never thought she had much to offer till I heard she was in the process of putting an almighty Thanksgiving beatdown on him. At least he didn't wear that God-awful red and black Nike crap for atonement day.

It's 5 o'clock somewhere.....

If You Are So Reclined

Tell me Holly... do you own a Snuggie? Somehow this is how I picture you this weekend.

Caprica

I am also going to give the Cylons another shot. Right at the very end of the last episode, there was a glimmer of hope. Good guy Joseph Adama put out a hit on the wife of his developing nemesis, Daniel Graystone. I like to be surprised and even bothered by the actions of characters sometimes. It seems more real than straight up heroes and villains. I will be even more surprised if it comes to pass. If Amanda is offed, that is one way to ensure poor Zoe will never have to watch her parents frak again.

Burn Notice

I know this is not your cup of tea, Holly, but this is part of my weekend lineup. Would it help if Jeffrey Donovan grew a Tom Selleck moustache and donned some short shorts?

The In-betweeners

Speaking of tea, I am also going to sample some BBC America sometime before Monday. Thanks to your recommendation, I have enjoyed the pilot of this series and am looking forward to the further misadventures of these poor wankers.

Men of a Certain Age

I have DVR'd a couple of episodes of this TNT series. I have enjoyed its deliberate pace and believable characters up to this point. The dialogue among the guys is clever and realistic. The dramatic situations are genuine and sometimes strike all too close to home for this man of a certain age. It helps that the trio of friends are played by actors I have enjoyed in other series over the years. Scott Bakula, Andre Braugher and Ray Romano have all shown unexpected depth in their portrayals. Contrary to some descriptions, this is NOT a Sex and the City for men. I am not even sure what that could possibly mean.

Tiger Woods Press Conference

I was so put off by all the hype leading up to this "event" I swore I would not watch. This was not a Presidential announcement or even "news" by most definitions. Yet, I am ashamed to admit I found myself watching as it unfolded. I was left feeling thankful that I have not been in a position that required a public apology for all the stupid shit I have done in my life. Let those without sin, cast the first golf ball.

So this is what will be on as I lean back in my recliner and cozy up to my own bowl of popcorn. Minus the Snuggie, of course.

What I'm Watching This Weekend

I don’t know about you, Chip, but these four-day weeks really wear me out.  Cramming five days worth of the peace and love that is my workplace into a mere four can really take it out of a girl. So more than usual, I’m looking forward to turning on the gas logs, nuking myself some Orville, and catching up on my DVR and DVD kitty.  Want to know what I’ll be watching?  Be warned, it’s not pretty:

Caprica
Despite my better judgment, I’m giving the new episode of this Syfy franchise one more last chance. Chip, I think you and I were both throwing up in our mouths a little over the last episode’s dead-kid-trapped-in-a-robot parental sex scene.  One more cheap trick like that and I’m going to be rooting for the Cylons to destroy humanity.

Footballers’ Wives
I love the British tabloids.  I mean loooove them. The photos! The judgmental finger-wagging! The loose journalistic standards! In the wake of the ongoing trials-by-press of Chelsea football (that's soccer to us Yanks) stars John Terry and Ashley Cole (and perhaps in honor of Ashley’s wife Cheryl’s landing on California soil this week to wash that man right outta her hair, La La Land style), I’m giving a test run to Footballers’ Wives, a now-cancelled Brit program (programme?) that had a four-year run on ITV. I have high hopes for the entertainment value of these WAGs and their troubles, real and imagined.

Glee
Still working my way through some of the episodes I missed of the hilarious first half-season of my favorite band of geeks. If ever there were a show begging for a walk-on from Sarah Palin, this is it. I just want to be up on the plotlines when that craziness goes down.

Tiger Woods Press Conference
What a hot mess this is.  It’s like media roadkill.  Gross, yet I can’t help but look.

What’s on your digital agenda, Chip?

Peace, Holly

Is There A Doctor in the House?

Chip, I have to confess that I never had too many TV actor crushes in that window of opportunity during which I had discovered boys but wasn't yet old enough to car date. You have to remember I grew up in a small town in the middle of nowhere (and no cable company till I was in high school), and when it wasn’t rainy or too cloudy, we could get three TV stations, one of which was PBS.  Also, my tastes trended toward musicians more than actors. However, one musician/actor (if he could fairly be called either) who I remember getting more than a little worked up over was Rick Springfield.  What more could a girl want, really, than a sexy rocker who was also a doctor and had his very own TV show?!  Okay, so maybe General Hospital wasn’t actually HIS show, but in my eyes, Dr. Noah Drake totally owned the place.  As far as I was concerned, that show was nothing more than a vehicle for his many talents. Which, come to think of it, might not be as far-fetched as it sounds. I mean, without Dr. Drake, that place was all nefarious Cassadine plots to kill Luke and Laura and the Doctors Quartermaine scheming up new ways to make each other miserable.

And how could you not love a man with this kind of fashion sense, really?

Um, never mind.  Forget I mentioned it.  But nice lipstick, Rick.  I think you're wearing the same shade as the girl who gave you that kiss on your cheek. But I do give you props for matching it so well to both that jacket and your tie.  Color can be hard.

By the way, how is it possible that I have mentioned General Hospital twice in the last week?  I need a vacation.  Or maybe I just need to check into Cedars-Sinai for "exhaustion"? Paging Dr. Drake, Dr. Noah Drake....

Peace, Holly

Young Lust

I mentioned a couple of my early television crushes in an earlier post (Mindy of Mork and Mindy and Mrs. Kotter of Welcome Back Kotter) and it got me reminiscing about some of my other first loves. These were the ones that made my adolescence catch fire. Here is a tribute to the sexiest T.V. women of my youth.

Donna Douglas a.k.a. Elly May Clampett on The Beverly Hillbillies

I happened upon an episode of TBH the other day. It was one in which Elly May was taking a dip in the cement pond. Seeing her in a discreet one-piece bathing suit did more for me than most of the far more racy stuff found on television today. Even her excessive love of critters did nothing to discourage my desire for her.

Barbara Eden a.k.a. Jeannie on I Dream of Jeannie

I did not have to wait for a swimming episode to see Jeannie’s midriff. Thanks to that brilliant costume, I could see it every weekday at 4:00 PM. To this day, I still have a fantasy about being allowed to lounge around in her bottle. Imagine a woman in your home dressed like that, calling you “Master” and able to conjure any wish with one bounce of her ponytail.

Dawn Wells a.k.a. Mary Ann Summers on Gilligan’s Island

Forget the movie star Ginger, I was a straight up Mary Ann guy. She could make me a coconut pie every day and I would be content to stay marooned.

Jan Smithers as Bailey Quarters from WKRP in Cincinnati

Conventional wisdom dictated that I was supposed to drool over the blond bombshell Loni Anderson on this show. My eyes kept drifting to nebbish Bailey, though. I guess I am a “girl next door” kind of guy. At least in the sense of what that phrase used to mean before Kendra and the gang moved in.

Honorable mentions:

Would you believe Barbara Feldon as Agent 99 on Get Smart?

Marlo Thomas as Ann Marie, otherwise known as That Girl.

Kristy McNichol as “Buddy” Lawrence on Family.

So Holly...who used to get your motor running? Please do not say the Hoff in Knight Rider.

A Couple More

These are all good Holly. I assume Rachel and Ross fall under the "For Worse" category. The only dragged out romance I have ever found more annoying was Sam and Diane on Cheers.

I think Homer and Marge have stood the test of time on The Simpsons. As an X-Phile, you know I have to mention Mulder and Scully. I never did buy Mork and Mindy as a couple, but I sure had a thing for Mindy. She kind of reminded me of Mrs. Kotter, who I also had a boyhood crush on.

I also kind of liked Det. Andy Sipowitz and ADA Sylvia Costas on NYPD Blue. I will never forget the shower/sponge scene. "That has never been that clean before."

There is also the love triangle of Jack, Kate and Sawyer on Lost. I am kind of fed up with Kate, though. I hope Jack and Sawyer end up together now.

Then there is the love quadrangle of Sookie, Bill, Sam and Eric on True Blood. Here is another good cable show I might have to try to get you hooked on Holly. I am kind of over the whole vampire chic thing, but this show is twisted enough to really be engaging.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day

Thinking of some of the TV couples I remember watching, for better or worse:

Alice the Maid and Sam the Butcher, The Brady Bunch
I'm foregoing the obvious choice of groovy parents Carol and Mike Brady in favor of the real heat (and meat) of this show.  These two wild things were the real deal.  How could you wear matching bowling shirts and not be in love?

Lovey and Thurston Howell, III, Gilligan's Island

Who didn't love this rich, daft couple?  Their affection for each other was genuine through thick and thin.  Two heads (and hearts) are better than one.  Which is a good thing, because their collective IQ may have been in the high double digits.

Maddie and David, Moonlighting
So wrong for each other, but it felt so right.  Best small-screen chemistry of the 80s.  Remember the soft focus that was for Cybil Sheperd only?  Divatabulous!

Edith and Archie Bunker, All in the Family

This was true love.  Who else could live with either of these two?  So sad when Edith died.  Those were the days.

Weezy and George Jefferson, The Jeffersons

George probably could have wooed some young floozy from the dry cleaning counter with promises of a "deeee-luxe apartment in the sky," but he only had eyes for his Weezy.  Kudos to him.

Laura and Luke, General Hospital

The American royal wedding.  Who can forget the puffy shoulders on that awful dress?  Worth skipping school to see.

Carrie Bradshaw and "Big"/John, Sex and the City

Sometimes, love gets in the way of what's best for you.  And when heartbreak happens, your girlfriends will take you shopping.

Susan and George, Seinfeld

The most bizarre, twisted relationship in the history of prime time.  Till death do us part, or not.

Rachel and Ross, Friends

As annoying apart as they were together.  And yes, Rachel, you WERE on a break.

Good Morning Sunshine

Once upon a time I, too, was a watcher of Good Morning America, Holly. I am talking way back when David Hartman was the host. Talk about a down to earth guy. Alas, I have not watched network morning shows for a long time. I am a fan of CNN Headline News. More specifically Morning Express with Robin Meade. Even more specifically, I am in love with Robin Meade. I would love to wake up next to Robin, but having her on my bedroom television while I get dressed will just have to do. My wife is okay with this because she realizes it is not a genuine threat. She even agreed to tour CNN headquarters with me on a trip to Atlanta in 1995.

HLN fits me perfectly. Its format more or less repeats every thirty minutes. I can tune in pretty much anytime and know what to expect. It is literally Headline News at the top and bottom of the hour, followed by weather with Bob Van Dillen, Financial news with Jennifer Westhoven and Sports with Rafer Weigel. This is usually topped off with some lighthearted human-interest story before starting all over.

Robin’s energy is just right. She is not perky so much as she is effervescent. She is easy on the sleep-crusted eye and comes across as intelligent enough to hold up her end of a descent conversation. She is a former beauty queen whose talent is a very sexy singing voice, which she blesses us with every once in a while. Her good-natured banter with the rest of the crew seems natural and never forced. I hate fake joviality at any time, but especially when I am not fully awake.

Robin has continued to show unfailing support for the troops serving overseas. She does a “Salute the Troops” segment every single day and has done numerous special assignments with our military. If I were a soldier and got a visit from Robin, it would remind me of all that is good about America.

Let us be clear…this is my morning show. In recent years, HLN has tried to mess with the formula and been about as successful as New Coke in my opinion. What has this wrought in the evenings? Nancy Grace. She is the anti-Robin. Shrill, obnoxious, self-promoting and nauseating. There are tiny, almost imperceptible dents in my T.V. from where I throw my house shoes at the screen whenever they are promoting that loud-mouthed harpy.

Hey Holly, perhaps we could arrange for both Matt Lauer and Nancy Grace to be confined to a Jersey beach house. We could tell them they were participating in a reality show called “The Douche Bag and the Brash Hag.” By the time they figure out there are no cameras; we will have made morning television safe once again.

Matt Lauer is a Douche

Recently I underwent some orthodontia that had me in the dental chair at 8:00 a.m. on a regular basis.  My orthodontist has one of those slick new offices with flat screen TVs all over the examining area.  You know, the kind that has been made possible by your friends at Delta Dental.  I’m not one to complain, though.  I pay plenty for that insurance, and dammit, if my cute and preppy orthodontist wants his office to look like HH Gregg, I’m down with that.  Er, okay, one complaint.  The remote is always in the control of his numerous, youthful, and surgically enhanced dental assistants, not me.  And all those gum-smacking losers want to watch is the Today Show.  WTF?!

I wonder if the CIA has thought of this?  Forget waterboarding.  The real way to get people talking is to strap them down in a dentist chair, give them a couple hours of Matt Lauer and Meredith Viera, and start tightening their braces.  I’ll say anything!  Just stop this torture!

I remember when Matt Lauer was a heartthrob.  I didn’t get it.  I never trusted the guy.  Anyone who could sit next to Katie Couric every day without a garlic necklace and a crucifix was obviously the archangel of death. Raise your eyebrow at me all you want, but you know I’m right.

I don’t know why I dislike Mr. Lauer so much, but everything about him screams “douche” to me.  I can just see him sitting around Long Island on the weekends, wearing Ed Hardy and drinking PBRs with #1 wingman Michael Lohan, both of them sexting Snooki and JWoww and trolling Craigslist for NSA opportunities. Taking their shirts off and flexing in the bathroom mirror. (Yes, I know L.I. is not on the Jersey Shore, and no, I don't really care about the fine points that differentiate the two.)  Okay, I don’t know if Matt actually does any of those douche-arific things.  But I can totally see it, and you know you can, too.

So what do I watch? Good Morning America.  That’s right, bitches! GMA and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

As miserable as everyone seems on the Today Show (working with Matt must eat away at your soul), my GMA crew is a happy, stand-up bunch. I’ll put my GMA peeps up against Dour Lauer any day of the week.

Perhaps the happiest person on Team GMA is Chris Cuomo, and with good reason.  This guy is an obvious underachiever in a family of overachievers (his dad was governor of NY, his brother is attorney general of NY).  Okay, I’ll admit he went to Yale, which means he’s at least as smart as George W. Bush. But somehow I know Chris is a stand-up guy.  I’m positive Chris ran for student council in high school, not because he thought it was ironic, but because he wanted to make a difference. If I had a flat tire on a Friday afternoon on the L.I. Expressway, Chris would totally pull over and change my tire while chit-chatting about his wife Cristina and daughter Bella, clearly the favorite of his brood of three, however politically incorrect that may be.  Matt Lauer, that douchemaster, would blow by us in his Porsche, probably giving Chris the finger if he recognized him.  GMA – 1, Today Show Douche – 0.

But just so you don’t think I’m totally psychostalker over Chris, let me just say I’m a big fan of Sam Champion, too.  God forbid I should ever be a participant in one of those wish-before-I-die organizations, but if I am, my dream would be to go shopping in NYC with Sam Champion.  That boy has some style.  I know he wouldn’t lie to me if I asked him if these jeans make my butt look flat. I remember the day he took viewers into his apartment and showed how he packs when he’s being dispatched to a severe weather event.  THEN he allowed the cameras into his shower – the hair products……moment of silence….not yet….not yet…..  Matt Lauer and hair products?  Need I say more?

The question mark in the GMA lineup is George Stephanopoulos.  (Sidebar – my spellcheck knows how to spell “Stephanopoulos” – this is a strike against you, Georgie boy.)  I’ve had more than a small crush on George since he was wiping the floors of the Oval Office with blue dresses from the Gap.  But the boys you crush on and the boys you want to wake up with don’t always inhabit the same universe, natch.  I’m trying not to hold against George that I’m taller than him, without my usual 4” heels.  But that does bother me, more than a little.  At the end of the day, however, I know that if I had both George and Matt liquored up in a north shore beach house, George would sip champagne from my slippers, but Matt would want to try them on. And borrow my lipstick.  Slight advantage, GMA.

In addition to George, another relative newcomer to the frontlines of GMA is Juju Chang.  I want to like Juju.  She’s cute, she’s perky, she’s a mother of boys, and she went to college on the Left Coast.  Just like me.  Er, whatever.  She seems like the type that has an LLBean Swiss Army knife stashed in the back pocket of her True Religions, just in case she runs into John Mayer at brunch and is overwhelmed with the desire to cut him.  And for that, I’d rather harass the Sunday afternoon waitstaff with Juju over Doucharific Matt Lauer every time.

And on that note, if I were ever in a gunfight, or a fistfight, or a mud wrestling match, I just hope GMA’s Robin Roberts has my back.  The girl is fierce.  I’ll admit, I had doubts when they brought her over from ESPN. And I thought the whole on-air-cancer thing was pandering a bit.  But any chick who my spiritual leader Diane Sawyer is down with is likewise a chick who Holly Tara is down with. Robin won me over when I heard she turned down a basketball scholarship at LSU, or as my kids call it, LS Boo. If she and Douche Boy Matt went head-to-head in a game of one-on-one hoops, my money’s on Robin, with one hand behind her back, just to make it fair. Go on with your bad self, Robin!

Come Monday, I’ll be watching GMA.  Come Monday, it’ll be alright.

Chip, what are your morning preferences?  Um, this is a family blog.  Keep it decent.

Peace, Holly

MY BALONEY HAS A FIRST NAME…IT’S O.S.C.A.R.

Since the presentation of the Academy Awards is actually a television show, I felt I could weigh in with my ill-informed opinion and predictions on this T.V. blog.

The show itself is notoriously lame (check out the Rob Lowe/Cinderella 1989 opening number at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJyzrA1aR3U) if you can stand it. Yet, people still tune in to watch the Motion Picture industry congratulate itself in record numbers every year.

I personally just lifted a ten-year boycott of the awards show. This futile protest heard by none began in 1999 when Shakespeare In Love beat Saving Private Ryan for Best Picture. SIL was a fine little movie, but the impact of SPR is still felt today. It has influenced cinematography and directing style with its inventive battle scenes. It also helped generate enough interest to help raise funds to complete a WWII memorial in Washington D.C. Steven Spielberg won Best Director that same year. What movie did he direct if not the Best Picture? Ridiculous.

Knowing that quality is not necessarily the bottom line, here are my predictions for the major categories for the 82 Annual Academy Awards show on March 7, 2010.

Best Picture: The Hurt Locker
(Avatar’s originality and influence will only grow, but it will go home without the top award this year)

Best Director: Kathryn Bigelow
(I applaud what will be a historic moment when a woman wins in this category, but James Cameron will be eliminated because of his hubris and not for a lesser accomplishment.)

Best Actor: Jeff Bridges (Let’s here it for The Dude)

Best Actress: Sandra Bullock (This is her Erin Brockovich)

Best Supporting Actor: Christoph Waltz
(Unless they decide to use this opportunity to honor a lifetime of work for Christopher Plummer)

Best Supporting Actress: Mo’Nique
(Vera Farmiga and Anna Kendrick will split the Up in the Air vote)

That’s it. I am not doing Art Direction or Costume Design. That is just the crap we have to sit through to get to the categories anyone cares about.
For all the red carpet fashion comments, let me just say… “Back to you, Holly.”

The Inbetweeners - Revenge of the Nerds II

If Glee isn’t your cup of tea, or even if it is, another entry worth checking out in the teenage-misery-as-comedy genre is The Inbetweeners (BBC America).  This show follows four friends, all male, going through the highs and lows of adolescence in suburban London, in a tidy under 30 minute package of non-stop gags.  It is blessedly free of the annoying laughter on cue of a studio audience or the even more abhorrent canned laugh track…..I like it already.

As the series begins, Will MacKenzie finds himself a fish out of water when his father leaves his mother and him, and he has to transfer from private school to public school.  He’s assigned a student mentor, Simon, and begins hanging out with Simon and friends Neil and Jay.  It’s readily apparent that Will and the gang aren’t top feeders in the sixth form social jungle.

Each episode finds the lads involved in a coming-of age challenge – buying liquor for a day of skipping school, surviving an amorous driver’s license examiner but meeting one’s match in having to drive a hideous bright yellow car, dealing with the humiliation of new-kid hazing (much, MUCH worse in the age of camera phones - yikes).  The boys’ constant swearing (in the Queen’s English!) cracks me up, but even more so the incessant bleeping that’s been added to fit American broadcast standards.  You know, because we don’t have a clue what they were saying when we hear “f-bleeeeeep!”

The Inbetweeners is in its third season on BBC, but BBC America just began airing the first season in late January.  I was able to find the two episodes I missed with my cable provider’s On Demand function.  I've since upgraded this to weekly recording status on my DVR.  I hope this one catches on well enough for BBC America to continue showing it -- I'd love to know more of Will and his mates.

Glee - Revenge of the Nerds

 

Back in the day, I loved the show Square Pegs, which brilliantly highlighted the anxiety of two high school girls trying to fit in.  To my delight, I’ve recently found a 21^st Century replacement, Glee (FOX).  This show interweaves serious high school issues (teen pregnancy, discrimination) with comical coming-of-age dilemmas (dating, self-image), and throws musical theater and the attendant ensemble cast into the mix.  I know what you’re thinking.  Stay with me here.

Glee follows the lives of the misfits who make up a show choir/glee club in an Ohio high school and the obligatory comical adults around them.  The kids are led by coach William Schuster (“Mr. Shoe”), who is also the school’s Spanish teacher and is prone to spending too much of his teacher’s salary on hair products.   While the club works toward getting to the show choir sectionals competition, it battles its own internal demons – there’s the pregnant girl with both the real father and the guy who thinks he’s the father in the club, the gay male soprano who wants to sing “I Honestly Love You” to one of the straight male football players in the club, the girl with two daddies who doesn’t want to share the spotlight with the other kids, and the lovable and pitiable wheelchair-bound kid who can’t get to sectionals without a special bus with a wheelchair lift that the school won’t pay for.  Externally, the club has to contend with their #1 Hater, cheerleading (“Cheerios”) coach Sue Sylvester, a win-at-all-costs type of ambiguous sexuality who wants nothing more than to see the glee club disbanded in order to have their funding, however meager, redirected to the Cheerios budget. 

The story lines in Glee are enough to make the writers of Days of Our Lives blush – in one of the more outrageous plots, Mr. Shoe’s wife pretends to be pregnant, going so far as to wear a belly pad to deceive him, because she’s become neurotic that Shoe will leave her.  No baby at the end of nine months?  No problem!  She’s made a secret deal with pregnant Cheerio/glee club member Quinn to take her baby off her hands. Nope, this won’t be a trainwreck at all.

Despite the high level of camp, I forgive the writers of Glee everything.  Somehow, it works.  This show is laugh-out-loud, singalong fun.  The best moments of every episode I’ve viewed have been the club’s performances of pop music and show tunes we all know and love.  The wheelchair dancing to “Proud Mary,” the first episode’s “Don’t Stop Believing,” the rival choir’s hairography to “Bootylicious.” I loved them all.

Glee returns to FOX’s lineup April 13.  In the meantime, I’ll be downloading the soundtrack from iTunes and humming along.

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He Said, She Said

Chip, I followed your advice and gave Burn Notice a shot. I’d seen the show as background TV a couple of times before you recommended it to me, but I’d never paid it much attention. My general sense of it was it was a good “Guy Show,” and upon further review, I’ve decided my first instinct was right.

Things this show does well, or at least in abundance: bikinis, humor, guns, explosions, fires, beatdowns. Things that come up short: plot, acting. If you’re looking for mindless fun, this is indeed a great show, and not the sort of thing you need to watch chronologically to understand. It compares to Magnum, P.I., the main differences being Sam doesn’t have a helicopter and Michael doesn’t shoot someone in every episode. Or maybe I just have Tom Selleck on the brain after our recent mentions of Magnum?

I don’t quite get the vibe from Michael and Fiona that you do, Chip. And that’s where I think this show comes up short for the ladies. We like character development. Watching a merry band of ex-spies run around helping the little guy is entertaining, especially when they and everyone around them are pretty, but drinking MGD 64s and talking about Hawaiian shirts is never going to be our gig. I also don’t get the sense that the writers take the mystery of who burned Michael and why too seriously once the opening credits roll, which is a shame. I’ll continue to watch this show from time to time, but I’ll keep my expectations low so it won’t disappoint me.

If This Doesn't Make You Smile, You're Not Trying

Happy Birthday Fi

With Mad Men off the air, a desperate Holly approached me wanting another cable show to get immersed in. While nowhere near as rich and complex as the guys and dolls of Madison Avenue, I pointed her toward Burn Notice now in its third season on USA.

Burn Notice follows the adventures of former spy Michael Weston (played by Jeffrey Donovan) who was “burned” or black listed by parties unknown. The underlying current of the show is Weston’s attempt to find out who burned him and why. Then perhaps he could return to doing what he loves most…spying legitimately.

In the meantime, he uses his prodigious espionage skills to help regular folks. The show is formulaic, but in the best sense of the word. It is entertaining to watch Michael and his friends help the underdog with stylish action each week. Part McGyver (he can make bugs out of cell phone parts) - part Equalizer (Got a problem? Odds against you? Call the Equalizer)… it is all fresh fun.

Those friends are the heart of the show. His on again/off again girlfriend Fiona “Fi” is played by Gabrielle Anwar. She is one smoking hot 40 year old (Her birthday is today). She is inclined to shoot first, ask questions later and is also an explosives expert. If the chemistry between Fi and Michael were any more volatile, the U.N. would have to impose sanctions. I cannot speak to the attractiveness of Donovan, but I believe the ladies like him, too.

Were I inclined to a mancrush, however, it would be on Michael’s best friend, Sam. I can envision hanging out with Sam at a seaside bar, drinking MGD-64s together and admiring one another’s collection of Hawaiian shirts. As played by Bruce Campbell, former FBI agent Sam is a great source of much of the show’s humor. Sharon Gless as Michael’s chain-smoking mother Madeline provides her share of the comic relief as well. Glad to have her son around after years of absence, she cannot help but give him a hard time for not having stayed in touch.

All in all, it is enough to make you wish you lived in Miami and were having trouble with a local gang just so you could give these guys a call and maybe share a yogurt. Handle that pirated DVD of Season One with care, Holly…it sizzles.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Since Holly decided for her foray into network television to dip her immaculately manicured toe into Walter Cronkite’s old home, I thought I should bring up another show that resides there. CBS is also home to the original CSI. You should love this show, Holly, because one of the co-stars is the city of Las Vegas itself. Sure, you have to weed through close-ups of corpses and crime scenes, but certainly that would be worth the glimpses of your not-so-secret love.

The crime procedural is lamented as one of the things wrong with television today. There indeed is a glut of this type of programming. CSI has two of its own lame spin-offs as well as NCIS, and well…just about every other show that is not a reality dating program. Yet, the original is still just that…original. It continues to be daring and inventive both in story lines as well as format. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. It is not CSI’s fault that no one else is able to effectively copy its unique chemistry.

CBS has come a long way from “Murder She Wrote.” Now that you mention it, though…I do miss Magnum P.I.

Oh My Gawd, Magnum!

After Chip told me I was dismissing network TV prematurely, I decided to check tonight's listings. "Super Bowl's Greatest Commercials" - seriously? People really give an hour of their lives for this? CBS, you're not even a worthy opponent.

Network: Not Going to Take it Anymore?

Well, Holly, I find it interesting that you DVR a couple of shows that would actually support my own tendency to network hating. Not a single show on network or cable that describes itself as “Reality” programming is worth a damn in my book (Yes…that includes you critical darling and formulaic Amazing Race). It has lowered (or perhaps revealed) the national IQ over the last 10 years and panders to that lowest common denominator I was talking about before. I thought Kardashians were an evil alien race on Star Trek: The Next Generation.

I actually agree with you to an extent about network television. With the glut of reality programming, uninspired sit-coms and Jay Leno, there is not much to like. Yet, you cannot throw out the baby with the bathwater, Holly. Let me tell you about a couple of shows you are missing out on.

Much ink has been spilt on Lost and I am not about to delve into theories about its many mysteries. Let it suffice to say that Lost is beyond a doubt the most complex show I have ever followed. I cannot recommend it to you, Holly unless you start at the beginning and not miss a single episode. It does not merely build chronologically, but cross-references itself numerous times across time and space. It is not for the person that thinks a strategy on Survivor is brilliant. If that were all there was to it, however, I would not care for it. Like the best Sci-Fi, the premise serves as the backdrop to some of the most compelling human drama on television. If there is an overall theme, it is one of Redemption. I am a sucker for Redemption stories.

Lost creator J.J. Abrams is also the creative force behind Fringe. It balances a mysterious ongoing mythology with fun, creepy, week-to-week weirdness. However, it is the three main characters of Special Agent Olivia Dunham, Peter Bishop and his father, Walter that brings me back and keeps me hooked.

Before you think all I watch is the kind of show that lends itself to wearing Vulcan ears, there is also a sit-com I want to recommend. Better Off Ted is a damn hoot. This workplace comedy is off the wall and fast-paced. So far, it has not jumped the shark and started using worn out premises for shows or a very special episode. It is snappy, and original. Thank goodness for the DVR because the throwaway jokes and sight gags come so fast, I sometimes have to go back and laugh all over again. It is so quirky, it might not survive on network television. If it gets cancelled, maybe Comedy Central will pick it up and it can go on living on cable where it probably belongs.

Dear Network TV, I'm Just Not That Into You

Okay Chip, now that you called me out on it, I’ll admit it. My name is Holly Tara and I’m a network hater. I know what people think about me - that I’m some kind of high concept cable snob. Let me assure you, nothing could be further from the truth. I DVR “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” for crying out loud. I can tell the three original “Girls Next Door” apart. With their clothes on.

TV is entertainment. Which is my point with network TV – it’s not that entertaining. It has been a long time since the big networks turned my head. Reality shows and sitcoms, right? Cable does the former better. I mean, why would anyone watch another anemic season of “The Bachelor” when there’s “For the Love of Ray-J”? And the whole sitcom genre is, well, tired. Meh.

Okay, so I did watch the o.g. version of “Law and Order” (but none of its spin-offs) for a fair number of years. But after Jerry Orbach died and Fred Thompson decided to run for president, what was the point really?

I’m so disconnected from network that I don’t even know what your “Fringe” show is about. (Hairdressers? Go go dancers? Interior designers?) I only have a vague notion that “Lost” is about some people who are so lost they don’t even know where they are or who they are, and haven’t been able to figure it out for several years. How does that stay interesting?

So enlighten me, Chip, what network shows do I need to be watching? Make your case.

Peace,
Holly

A Dash of Caprica

Like Holly, I have a Sci-Fi geek side. I followed the X-files from the beginning, but did not stick around for its lousy Mulder-free ending. “Fringe” is a worthy successor to that show with its consistent weirdness, sexy partners and overall mythology. I have also gotten caught up in the “Lost” phenomenon in spite of the hype. Even though I enjoy it, I am thankful it is coming to an end this year. Don’t tell Holly I watch these network shows. She’s all about cable.

I also watched the 70’s incarnation of “Battlestar Galactica” but not the recent one. All I know about the more recent version is that a really hot chick plays Starbuck. That kind of messes with my head. Someone suggested I watch the two-hour pilot/premiere of Caprica, which I did with no great expectations.

The rave scene initially put me off because I did not watch far enough to see that it was a virtual fantasy. I was afraid it was yet another dystopian future ala’ “Blade Runner.” Watching further on a second attempt, I found myself intrigued by the idea of monotheism being cult-like and extreme.

The virtual reality holo-thingy did not seem as original as the sheet of paper that served as an email provider. I like the contrast of the mundane with the futuristic. If you disagree with a call playing tennis, you can activate little sensors to be the line judge for you. Even though there are laser rifles, you can still get offed by a good old-fashioned knife. Joseph drives a car straight out of the American 1950’s.

The Taurons seem to reflect an ethnicity that has a history of violence. Joseph Adama has tried to leave it behind, but his brother Sam appears to be a regular enforcer for a local gangster. In the pilot he brutally murders a man. In the second episode, he takes his nephew along for an “errand” in which he teaches Little Willie Adama some of the tricks of the trade. I imagine they come in handy later when the humans are fighting for their lives against the Cylons. Curiously, the tough guy brother tosses off a little comment that makes it appear he is gay. He tells his nephew a story about checking out the guys while his father was checking out the girls. He then throws a trashcan through the window of someone that needs terrorized and it calls to mind the beatdown Sonny Corleone gave his brother-in-law in the Godfather.

The school headmistress is indeed creepy, but still kind of sexy because I saw her in "Rome" on HBO. She certainly has "mysterious intrigue" down to an art. Will we get to see a sex scene with this group marriage? It is cable after all.

I am curious to see how they develop the monotheism as minority theme. Are they going to come across as sympathetic or crazy? How will that figure into the endgame of this story which we know has to do with the near destruction of the human race by beady red-eyed robots.

Breaking Bad - Season 3

We'll be watching March 21.

In Honor of Bryan Batt's Mad Men Departure, 3 Other Characters We Want Brought Back

Sad news....Sal won't be back. Read about it here:

In Honor of Bryan Batt's iMad Men/i Departure, 3 Other Characters We Want Brought Back

In Caprica We Trust

I begin with a confession. I have a little bit of sci fi fan in me. Just a little. Enough to have watched the campy Battlestar Galactica back in the 1970s (although that was at least 50% a schoolgirl crush on the actor who played Starbuck), but not enough to have watched its broody reincarnation that aired a few years ago. So I came to Caprica without any expectations. But that means I don’t have the BG chops to understand what’s going on “58 years before the fall,” either.

At first I thought Caprica was going to be just another copycat space show, but when I saw it advertised in the New Yorker and then heard a promo for it on NPR, I decided to try it out. Okay, that and I needed something to watch because I hadn’t timed my Netflix deliveries right and had nothing better to watch.

Let’s start with the preliminaries. My first question was whether Caprica rhymes with paprika. It doesn’t. Note to self - a show title you have to “know” how to pronounce is Clue #1 this program takes itself a little too seriously.

The foreign world Caprica seems a little familiar - a parallel Earth of the not-so-distant future, where everyone wears a lot of black and seems oddly disconnected. Robots do the dirty work, and everyone has a lot of time to pursue happiness. Only no one is smiling.

Here’s a basic rundown of what I picked up from the premiere (Ep. 101, Pilot) and next episode (Ep. 102, Rebirth).

The show depicts two families from different ends of the Caprican spectrum. There is the privileged Graystone family – scientist Daniel (Eric Stolz, hot mess level = high), wife Amanda (a doctor in her own right and a bit of a harpy for someone who is married to Eric Stolz, if you ask me), and angst-ridden teenage daughter Zoe (Alessandra Torresani). The other family, the Adamas, are Taurons – ethnic underdogs. The Adama patriarch is Joseph (Esai Morales), a successful criminal defense lawyer who has hidden his Tauron background on the way up. His young son is William, who apparently goes on to greatness in Battlestar Galactica. Joseph’s wife and daughter die in the pilot, explained below. Joseph has some connections with some mean mofos – the kind that would rather, and do, kill their enemies the old-fashioned way, with their bare hands.

The opening sequence has Zoe Graystone romping through an anything-goes rave, where teens dance, drink, copulate, and kill each other. These kids today. We learn this is a virtual reality pastime for the youth of Caprica, who have commandeered Daniel’s creation, the holiband, to visit these virtual sin dens. (The holiband is a more sophisticated version of the gold banana clip that dude from Fame wore on the “new” Star Trek, which allows one to inhabit the virtual reality of his or her choice.) Daniel, in typical clueless parent fashion, doesn’t know the kids have repurposed his creation. (Incidentally, the holiband was intended for “adult” entertainment. I love the scene in which Daniel tries to get Joseph to use it for the first time, and Joseph says something along the lines of “I’m not really into that sort of thing.”)

Zoe is a child genius and has created an avatar of herself in her imaginary holiband world. This avatar is a virtual clone, who looks like and interacts with Zoe, but who lives only in the virtual world. Zoe is still working on perfecting her avatar, and her virtual representation is prone to shorting out at critical moments.

We learn that Zoe and her BFF Lacy and her BF are all monotheists. I know you are thinking, “Dammit Holly, speak English here.” That means they believed in a God, not a bunch of gods. Let’s just say Caprica isn’t the Bible Belt and monotheism isn’t something to shout from the mountaintops. Monotheist extremists, members of Solders of the One, advocate terrorism.

Zoe gets in trouble for using the holiband in the school bathroom, and her parents give her a good riot act reading when she gets home. (Sidebar – that creepy Gothic school is straight out of Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart video.) Shortly after the parental tongue-lashing, Zoe, Lacy, and BF (the latter of whom looks like the Harry Potter dude) decide to run away to Gemenon, apparently a planet full of fundamentalist religious types. Lacy chickens out as Zoe and Harry Potter are boarding a mass transit train. Unbeknownst to Zoe, Harry Potter is one of the terrorist-type monotheists and had strapped his body with explosives, which he detonates rather dramatically, killing himself, Zoe, the wife and daughter of the Adama clan, and other innocents. Just before he detonates himself, he sends a message to Zoe’s mom from Zoe’s computer/communication device, which Mom later interprets as containing an admission of guilt from Zoe in the terrorism.

Zoe’s parents are, predictably, devastated at the loss of their only child. Weeping and wailing follow in short order. Pretty soon, Daniel Graystone and Joseph Adama’s inevitable meeting takes place and the two bond over death and cigarettes. A wary friendship develops.

Meanwhile, Daniel finds out about Zoe’s secret life via the holiband and goes to her virtual world to visit her. He lets Joseph in on his discovery, and he takes Joseph to visit his own deceased daughter in virtual world, but Joseph reacts negatively. Daniel is conflicted. This virtual representation of Zoe isn’t the real deal, yet he is emotionally and intellectually compelled to “capture” Zoe’s avatar on one of his visits to virtual world, both for his own desire to have Zoe’s computer programming genius and to hold onto his daughter. While experimenting in his lab, Daniel loads the disk containing Zoe’s avatar into one of his Cylon robot prototypes. There is some sort of compatibility issue, and Zoe’s avatar becomes stuck in the Cylon, with the disk that contained the avatar wiped out.

Cylon Zoe is then poked, prodded, restrained, and generally irritated like a stockyard animal. We see a grotesque warrior robot in some scenes, and a vulnerable teenager in others. Cylon Zoe makes contact with Lacy, but neither knows what to do. All that’s clear is Avatar Zoe doesn’t dig life as Cylon Zoe and wants to get to Gemenon, STAT!

Before the interaction with Cylon Zoe, Lacy’s life was already beyond creepy when the headmistress of Gothic High, Sister Clarice, had her over for lunch. Turns out Sister Clarice is a member of a group marriage and has numerous husbands and wives. If that’s not enough, they were serving squirrel for lunch. And it just keeps getting better – Sister Clarice is a closet member of Soldiers of the One, the terrorist group responsible for Zoe’s death. Sister Clarice’s husband (#3? #4? How many are there?) wants to get in her pants. All this and your dead best friend’s avatar is trapped in a big, scary Cylon. Sucks to be Lacy.

MY THOUGHTS: The most intriguing thing in this series is the concept of playing God. Zoe and her friends are monotheists, yet Zoe dabbled in creating life in her avatar. Then she dies, and her father attempts to keep her alive through the avatar, even though he knows she isn’t real. He goes so far as to cross the threshold between virtual reality and reality by bringing her avatar into the real world, and then loads it into a Cylon, a robot who is supposed to be able to reason like a person. The avatar then becomes stuck in his Cylon prototype, and cannot be retrieved or duplicated. Similarly, Lacy is a monotheist, yet she engages Zoe’s avatar after Zoe is gone and continues contact with Cylon Zoe once she learns the avatar is trapped inside. And we have the Soldiers of the One, who advocate believe in a supreme being, yet advocate advancing their agenda by playing God with the lives of others.

Interesting to see how Joseph, the shady Tauron criminal defense lawyer, seems to have the more highly tuned conscience than fair-haired Daniel about artificial life. Yet Joseph is not above having his thug associates do his dirty work for him. Chip, did you catch the parallels between murder/bedroom/crying montage towards the end of Episode 102 and the christening/bloodbath montage from the Godfather? Or am I imagining that?

Costuming – interesting that Caprica is such a decadent society, yet its citizens dress like our grandparents. What’s that all about? Those getups the Graystones were wearing playing triangle tennis out back reminded me of Dustin Hoffman poolside in a buttondown shirt in The Graduate.

Young William Adama is soaking it all up, isn’t he? I’m sure there’s lots of BG backstory here that I don’t get because I didn’t watch the recent BG. Wonder what it is?

Final analysis – I’m not giving up on Caprica, but I’m not quite hooked yet.